down too deep
by Annataremrys
Summary: After 4th year harry is cutting himself, he becomes depressed. Feeling that it's his fault for Cedrics death. Can anyone save him before he falls do deep.
1. Default Chapter

A/N ok hey peeps this is my first story to please be kind bows down. Well also please review!!!. thanks well enjoy. Oh yeah I'm not the best at these types of story's but I thought what the hell.  
  
Chapter 1 Depressed and holding on  
  
Harry looked solemnly at the knife he held tightly in his hand. Regret slow found his way slowly into his eyes, but now he knew that there was no turning back. Tightly gripping it he slowly dragged it down horizontally cutting slowly but surely across his wrist. Blood slowly trailed along the incision showing clearly against his pale almost white skin.  
The emerald green eyes on the boy, though slightly clouded, seemed to become mesmerized at this sight. But from the second the blood trailed its path along down his arm relief flooded into his eyes. He knew that he deserved the pain brought down from the cut and along with that he welcomed it as well.  
As well as this he also knew that it wasn't cut deep enough to be a fatal wound, no, he couldn't have that the poor precious savior. He really could care less about them though, the simple fact that he didn't go all the way was because if he did do the unthinkable he'd just show Voldemort that he won. This seemed to be the only feeling that he still possessed anger and the need for revenge. Voldemort killed his parents, killed Cedric, why let Voldemort think that he killed him too.  
He knew that his friends now hated them, knew that the wanted anything to do with him.  
Earlier that summer he prescribed to the Daily Prophet so he could keep up with the news on the return of Voldemort, but a few weeks ago he read an article about him. He had gotten use to the fact that all they wrote about was how mad he was, how he'd turn to the dark, how he had killed Cedric. No, these he was use to but in the latest one there had been interviews with Hogwarts students. What really surprised him though was that they had comment from Ron and Hermione. Both who clearly stated that they hated him. Saying things like he always almost got them killed.  
The things that they said really hurt him he thought that he could actually trust them. For a moment a tear had appeared in his eye but he quickly wiped it away and his eyes hardened. No longer were his eyes full of sadness now they only held anger and hate. He told himself over and over that he would make it through this.  
He asked him self why the world seemed to hate him, with all he had been through most turning on him after the revelation that he was a parseltounge most thinking he was nothing but a criminal. Now after Cedric's death they all blamed him and really didn't try to understand.  
Although he felt it down in his heart that it was truly his fault that he could have stopped it all. If only he hadn't told him to take the cup with him. Then he wouldn't be dead.  
A sudden jolt from his wrist brought him back to reality most of the blood was beginning to dry so he slowly wrapped a bandage around it and laid down to what every amount of sleep that God would allow him.  
  
A/N well there it was I'll admit it was kinda corny but hey first story remember. Don't forget to review!! . 


	2. Feeling Numb

A/N yeah I'll just update some more and yeah I guess this has been done a lot but I don't often read Harry Potter FF so I really don't know . well any ways on with the story.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Harry looked out his window staring at the stars. When he was younger he would always make a wish on the brightest star there. But now that he was older and been through much more he knew that, that wouldn't do anything. He'd always wish that his parents where back or that the Dursleys would finally accept him. Both of these he knew were not going to happen anytime soon.  
Depressed again Harry turned from the window and back to his books. He never was much of a reader but he had nothing better to do. He'd already done his homework for the summer, albeit he knew it wasn't at all very good, but he did give a damn anymore. Instead he became engrossed with the older muggle books. Like the old fairy tales, Count Dracula, To Kill a Mocking bird and a lot of other books he borrowed from the library that Private Drive had a few blocks away from the house. He'd also sent an owl to Flourish and Blotts requesting the old fairy tales and older popular books, so that he could waste time and have a new out look at the wizarding world.  
Again that night he got almost no sleep, though this time he had no idea why. Normally something like a nightmare would wake him, but this night something else did.  
Looking at the clock Harry sighed noticing it was 3:17 'wow' he thought, 'a good three and a half hours of sleep.' No tonight he woke up for no reason. For some reason though he felt something in the pit of his stomach. Remorsefully like dread, but he didn't dwell on it. 'If something was going to happen to day', he thought 'Let it come.'  
Today he was reading DRACULA, he found it interesting to read story's having to do with dark creatures like this Nosferatu. He read (in the wizard books) all about their creatures. And every one of these were something he complemented that Hagrid would find friends with. He'd gotten lots of books with information about veelas, hipshrinks, dragons, valetaas, faries, elves, and a lot of other mysterious and magical animals.  
Slowly he set the book down and became lost in his own thoughts. This summer hadn't been all that bad. The Dursleys made sure to shower him with all the chores that they could find. God he thought he had painted the same fence three times that week they had been worried about the 'dirt' that had 'appeared' on the fence. Them being them of course just put the blame on top of his waiting shoulders.  
He just put on a mask of indifference when ever they told him to do chores showing that he really could care less. But other then the over load of chores they had pretty much ignored him much to his own surprise.  
Looking at the clock on his bedside table he started heading down stairs to cook breakfast for his 'loving' family. Making the usual helping of bacon, eggs, and toast, (Dudley's diet hadn't been working so the family had just dropped it sadly enough) so because Harry was the one cooking they made no expense in making sure that they got enough every morning.  
Harry didn't eat breakfast, he only really bothered himself to eat lunch when ever it was convenient. While everything was cooking he walked upstairs to get dressed. All he really wore was black baggy pants and a black shirt with chains (A/N just think goth not too hard is it . this is how most of my friends and me sometimes dress I find it intimidating so were gonna pretend that's how Harry sees this.) Harry head some grumbling coming from his aunt and uncles room, walking downstairs he set out the finished breakfast on top the table and stood to the side waiting to get his daily list of chores. As his aunt and uncle came down they handed him the list he looked at it;  
Boy, all this had better be done by the time I get home from  
work or you know the consequences White wash fence mow lawn weed front garden cook lunch and dinner clean our the garage dust around the front and living room wash dishes  
This was the normal list that Harry got every day some times they  
added a little more but this was about it. He ran upstairs and grabbed  
his Discman (he found it in his room buried under a bunch of stuff  
Dudley didn't want and apparently this style of Discman had gone our  
of style and he had gotten a new one) He slipped in a CD and he  
listened to it as he did the gardening.  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Harry never really did understand but this song really went along with  
how he usually felt now-a-days. Noticing how unless he did everything  
perfectly and how every one wanted he was pushed away and shunned.  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
Can't you see that you're smothering me  
  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
And every second I waste is more than I can take  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
And I know  
  
I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
This song really was like how he felt now show he really had few  
feelings left. Anger Hatred and deceit was about the only things that  
he still could feel. That's why he cut himself he guessed. He wasn't  
sure if there was any part of him left to feel anything besides the  
hateful thoughts. The other reason being that he deserved the pain  
simple as that.  
He picked up the tools finally finishing his gardening and slipped  
inside the house to begin with the rest of his chores.  
  
A/N As u can pry guess the NUMB song is property of Linkin Park so well just saying that I don't own it. So please read and review . tootles 


	3. deepened thinking

> A/N I'm sorry if this story takes a long time to review some times because truthfully I'm making it up as I go .. I have ideas for what I'm going to do with this story but I'm just going to warn you.  
  
Disclaimer I should have done this in the first chappy but I forgot so I'm gonna do it now. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling which you can tell because I'm not a rich little person.  
  
CHAPTER 3  
  
A few blocks away from Private Drive was Pine Tree Park, trees surrounded it on all ends, and right in the middle was a small playground were the neighborhood children would normally play.  
  
On top of an old tunnel Harry Potter sat.  
  
He had finally finished all of his chores and he had to get out of that house. So right after he had washed the dishes, after dinner, he waited until his family had fallen asleep. Once he heard their snores he snuck out.  
  
He like to do this lately, he found comfort in the darkness to him it brought about inner peace. Normally he'd walk around the park or sometimes, like tonight he would stop and just watch the night sky.  
  
Here at this time no one could find him or bother him.  
  
All around were asleep, people like Dudley's gang were all laying in their beds with their little night lights on. No one could disturb him.  
  
Earlier he had finished his chores on time, but his uncle seeming to want to yell at someone, started at him about how he hadn't finished everything. Harry had, had enough and for once in his life talked back because he wasn't going to take this anymore.  
  
His uncle was just as surprised that he had talked back as Harry was (even though he didn't show it.) Vernon looked like he was about to hit him. But then something held him back.  
  
Harry saw something cross in his eyes, and he drew back his hand and walked away. Harry stood in place for a while and watched his retreating back. But Harry still couldn't shake the feeling of dread that he had felt since he awoke this morning. He knew something was going to happen. He didn't know what but he could still sense something was going to happen.  
  
Harry had thought about owling Sirius but he didn't want to bother him, with him being on the run and all.  
  
And Dumbledoor was deafeningly out of the question, all he thought Harry was, was a tool. Nothing more all he was need for was to destroy Voldemort then be tossed aside. Well fuck him was all that Harry thought.  
  
Harry with his eyes still glued on the night sky took a cigarette out of his old patch duster.  
  
He knew how bad smoking was for his health but to him in all ways seemed to help matters. Taking out his lighter which he snatched from Dudley (A/N were just gonna pretend that Dudley's a little drug hype here even though he's not in the story much.) And he then lit up.  
  
As he inhaled the tobacco he thought of all his problems in his short life. But as soon as he blew out the smoke he felt himself release. God, he thought this felt really good.  
  
Hell, he thought, if only his professors could see him now – out of the house which they confined him to, and on top of that smoking. Well, he thought bitterly at least they don't know all my secrets.  
  
Sliding off the tunnel on to the ground, he flicked his cigarette down to the ground and crushed it with Dudley's old commando boots. (full of holes mind you.)  
  
Suddenly out in the distance he heard someone walking down the street. Once he got a closer look at who it was exactly he saw it was Mitchell Averson. He knew him when he still had gone to muggle school. He was the goth kid there he had almost every part of his body pierced. With spikes and chains everywhere, and he wore nothing but black.  
  
This is my december  
  
This is my time of the year  
  
This is my december  
  
This is all so clear  
  
This is my december  
  
This is my snow covered home  
  
This is my december  
  
This is me alone  
  
Harry stopped thinking and listened, Mitch seemed to have started singing. Man he thought Mitch was good. He kept singing as he was walking.  
  
And i  
  
Just wish that I didnt feel  
  
Like there was something I missed  
  
And i  
  
Take back all the things I said  
  
To make you feel like that  
  
And i  
  
Just wish that I didnt feel  
  
Like there was something I missed  
  
And i  
  
Take back all the things I said to you  
  
And I give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to  
  
This is my december  
  
These are my snow covered dreams  
  
This is me pretending  
  
This is all I need  
  
And i  
  
Just wish that I didnt feel  
  
Like there was something I missed  
  
And i  
  
Take back all the things I said  
  
To make you feel like that  
  
And i  
  
Just wish that I didnt feel  
  
Like there was something I missed  
  
And i  
  
Take back all the things I said to you  
  
And I give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to  
  
This is my december  
  
This is my time of the year  
  
This is my december  
  
This is all so clear  
  
And I give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to  
  
(A/N yeah I know I have a weird thing for linkin park but that's too bad I love those guys. And it really fits in the story so there gives raspberry)  
  
Harry was surprised, he like the song but it was the way he sung it that really scared him. This kid was really far down Harry told him self that he would never fall that far down.  
  
But, he thought suddenly, am I already that far down. Slowly and still thinking he walked down the street finally reaching Private Drive.  
  
He was broken out of his thoughts by a loud scream. Using is fast reflexes he whipped it out from inside his duster and looked up at the place he unfortunately called home.  
  
Well, he thought sadly, he couldn't any more. He looked sullenly at #4 it was entirely on fire and above the roof sat something which brought dread across Harry's soul.  
  
The Dark Mark.  
  
Suddenly he thought back to that tightened feeling of dread and realized what it was for.  
  
A/N yep I no a cliffy well kinda but people are always doing that to me so I thought what the hell. So please read and review. Yeah and flamers welcomed .


	4. AN

Ok people I just wanted to say sorry about not updating lately it hasn't been really allowing me to do it. I also lost all the chapters that I had typed out waiting to be put in the story. I think that my computer is just screwed up so I'm sorry and I'll update as soon as possible. And thanks for all the reviews!!! I'm really really sorry it just let me back on to FF today. 


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